Resolutions resolutions

So much for writing here every day! I feel like I'm in a place in my life where I can't seem to stop complaining about my job and I hate starting blog posts with "so the asylum is still sucking the life out of me" because I know I'm not unique in having a horrible job. I don't want to be that person who only thinks about how miserable her work life is because my life is not just about that. So let"s all agree that working for a living blows and we all wish we were independently wealthy.

In brighter news, I am still succeeding in the whole "eating health(ier), controlling my eating habits" and I can prove it because my shoulder area is getting slimmer. Only problem is that it's a weird place to start to lose weight if the rest of you is still the same. I went shopping for a suit jacket and the usual size I buy was too big on my shoulders/arms but if I went a size down, the shoulders would fit me but the boob/stomach area looked weird! How is a girl supposed to find a perfect interview jacket if she looks like she's wearing her mom's clothes? Or worse yet...

My first job interview was done by a man covered in a film of flour.

I’ve been researching interview strategies and tips on what not to do on interviews and what kind of questions one should ask to appear smart and interested. I came across one tip that I think is pretty much a no brainer “do not bad mouth your current/ex-employer” and it made me laugh.

Potential Employer: Ms. Bee Musing, can you tell me why you are looking to leave Arkham Asylum?

Me: The Office Manager is an idiot and the Owner sits on his surgery billing until they are past the timely filing limit therefore he never gets paid on his surgeries making him the worst business man ever!

Might as well throw in:

Me: ALSO, THE CRAZIES HAVE TAKEN OVER THE NUTHOUSE! RUN! IS THAT A BAT ON YOUR HEAD?

Potential Employer: You’re hired!

I already know what I’m going to say since I’ve been rehearsing it for 5 years but I’m glad somebody went to the trouble to point out that bad mouthing an employer would be a sure way to get your name crossed off the list.

Another tip is to research the company and then ask questions about it but that would make me feel very stalk-y.

Me [snooty voice]: I see Mr. Peppershmitt has been CEO since 2005 and the company has turned a substantial profit every year with him at its helm. Any chance he lets his employees stay at his beach house in the Hamptons? His new wife has a really nice tan! [shows potential employer the instagram picture of CEO’s wife in a bikini]

Potential Employer: You’re hired!

I just want to find a nice company that will take advantage of my hardworking self and give me a sense of accomplishment in return. At the end of the day, I don’t want to feel like I run around in circles, repeating the same answers to the same tired questions.

Or maybe I’ll just settle for a company that that doesn’t make their employees buy their own pens.

Things I've done to accomplish my goals:

Healthy Eating- I have done okay. I have had Pei-Wei way too many times but I think I've finally tired out my tastebuds. I keep trying to make the right choices when it comes to snacks and drinks (because I'm still adicted to the COKE even though I know it wants to kill me).

Shopping- this has been really hard since I'm looking for a business suit and then my cheating fingers just go roaming about the internet looking for cute shoes. I did buy 2 pairs of slacks that I'm hoping to find a nice suit/blazer thing to go along with them. We'll see once they arrive.

New J-O-B- I stole some job descriptions from a law clerk I got into a fight with (I googled her because she told me she was an attorney and so I wanted to verify) because I do a lot of the same things she does. I have no shame. I also bought some slacks that will hopefully work for job interviews (do you see what I did there?)

Activity- Still meeting my step goals.

For the record, I'm not the one supposed to be in charge nor am I second in command.

Today was the first time in 8 or so years I didn’t take over the weekly morning meeting. I just let everybody talk about their issues and waited for our venerable leader, Glynda, to come up with the solutions I always offer.

I wish I could have taken pictures of everybody’s reactions! They kept looking to me and I had steepled my hands and placed them in front of my mouth to imply I was deep in thought, trying to find a solution for their dilemmas. When Glynda realized I wasn’t offering up any wisdom nuggets, she clumsily tried, bless her dumb little heart, but the staff would look at her and then look at me as if to say “really?” but I would just nod along like Glynda’s ideas were the best thing I’d ever heard! No more raising yourself up by standing on my shoulders you mental midget!

Okay, I know I’m beginning to sound like that dude from “The Shining”.

My coworker Milton has been walking around all week thinking she’s special because she keeps getting shocked by objects around the office. No, Milton, you are not the only precious being endowed with special powers to conduct tiny charges of electricity. It wouldn’t bother me so much if not for her constant updates.

“Ooh! There I go again shocking the printer!’

“I just shocked the chair!”

“I barely touched the door jab and I shocked it!”

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!

Things I did today to reach my goals:

Healthy eating: Breakfast, banana. Lunch, ratatoullie. Dinner, homemade beef stew with french baguette. Snack, granola bar, 2 cuties.

Activity: Just some regular cleaning and cooking. I did do more walking around the office looking for charts and things like that.

New Job: Did some online research to see if there was anything interesting. Nothing yet.

Spending: I bought nothing! Although, it turns out I had bought a metal mannequin thing I had forgotten all about since I had ordered it a long time ago. I came home to find a box on my front stoop and was very confused but also a little afraid because I had just read this article about people mailing glitter to their enemies. I thought maybe somebody had sent me a box full of dust bunnies so I was very hesitant to open it but then I was pleasantly surprised.

The Asinine Asylum

I came to a crazy realization yesterday when I got in my car to drive home after a long grueling day at work. I seemed to be sitting lower in the driver's seat than I had in the morning. No matter how much I tried to sit up straight and scootch my butt back, I only seemed to be slightly above the required height to drive in the state of Illinois (if there is a law like that, I don't really know since I am not a lawyer or enforcer of laws). As I tiredly put the car in gear, it hit me. The Asylum and all it's problems is not only crushing my will to work, it's also having an adverse effect on my spine and making me shorter!

I keep adding to the list of things I want to put on my resumé but I don't know if I can use "repeatedly explain office procedures to the office manager who has been at the asylum for 30 years" or "patiently wait for office manager to stop yelling saying that these are new office procedures that you just made up and then take out the typed up sheet you got her to sign FIVE years ago because you keep having the same problem". This is the stuff of nightmares.

Things I did today to etc:
Healthy Eating- Breakfast, banana. Lunch, leftover chicken and rice with edemame. Dinner, grilled chicken, grilled yellow squash and salad.

Activity- Had achey knees so I took it easy. I did do house work so I almost met my 5,000 step goal.

New J-O-B: I keep working on my resumé.

Spending- I bought Andy another work coat because the first one I bought was too big.

Sleepless Nights

So I had originally promised myself I would post every day. Not only as a way to log the activity to reach my goals but also as a writing exercise. Then the weekend happened and I was able to spend it with my adorable niece and, well, the best laid plans...

Then yesterday I ate dinner and proceeded to pass out on the sofa like a 90 year old lady after she had her special pills. Alls well I guess since I did need the sleep.

Things I did today in my quest for change:
Healthy Eating- I was a little bad over the weekend but I restrained myself from completely overindulging.
Spending- I bought Andy a work coat because he needed one.
Activity- I met my step goals and have started a daily workout as of Monday. Day 2 was harder on my knees but I'm hoping it'll get better.
Job- My hilarious brother Dan narrowed down my choices of new careers by telling me I should look to find a job in the same line of work because that's where the money is. Yuck! 

I am recycling a post from the Bee n Andy comic because it's still true.

Things I did today to accomplish my goals:

Healthy eating- breakfast, I forgot to eat my banana, lunch, half pb&j on whole grain, dinner, one stuffed green pepper taco with guacamole and chips. I got hungry after cleaning so I made an egg and had it with a tortilla. 

Activity:

I did some cleaning which I know doesn't count as exercise but it's better than just sitting.

Spending: I bought a pair of shoes. 😔 they were inexpensive but still no excuses!

Job: I did nuthin about it today

And now I need new earbuds!

You know what's a sure fire way to lose your face and fingers? Take my earbuds and say “I’m looking to buy some for my phone, how well do these fit in your ears?” and then proceed to put them in YOUR ears!

Scarecrow, the idiotic x-ray tech, did just that and it gets worse! I literally heard the suction noise when she popped them out of her ear! She is no longer allowed to speak to me ever again (unless it is work related) and I threw out the earbuds. I swear the people at the Asylum are getting worse as the months go by.

I tried to get my lazy ass to do the bike today but I am just too cold. I did try to eat healthy by having bean soup but I didn't have any lime or cilantro and these 2 ingredients are essential when making Mexican bean soup. I was extremely underwhelmed by it so I wound up only eating half of it and scrounging around for something else to eat. I found chocolate.

I don't think the chances of me doing the bike tomorrow are good since the high is predicted to be 3 degrees which means Mochadog and I willl be buried under a pile of blankets binge watching "Friends".

Things I did today in my quest for change:

Healthy eating- Breakfast- banana, lunch- half a pb&j on whole grain bread and an apple sauce, dinner- some lack luster bean soup and 2 reeses peanut butter cups, snack- mustard pretzels.

Spending- I bought nuthin! And it was hard because I had a $50 off $100 coupon for my favorite store.

Activity-  As of 9pm I only have 3,369 steps.

Job- did some research online for a variety of positions. I'm not sure I want to continue working in the medical billing field.