Resolutions resolutions

So much for writing here every day! I feel like I'm in a place in my life where I can't seem to stop complaining about my job and I hate starting blog posts with "so the asylum is still sucking the life out of me" because I know I'm not unique in having a horrible job. I don't want to be that person who only thinks about how miserable her work life is because my life is not just about that. So let"s all agree that working for a living blows and we all wish we were independently wealthy.

In brighter news, I am still succeeding in the whole "eating health(ier), controlling my eating habits" and I can prove it because my shoulder area is getting slimmer. Only problem is that it's a weird place to start to lose weight if the rest of you is still the same. I went shopping for a suit jacket and the usual size I buy was too big on my shoulders/arms but if I went a size down, the shoulders would fit me but the boob/stomach area looked weird! How is a girl supposed to find a perfect interview jacket if she looks like she's wearing her mom's clothes? Or worse yet...

My first job interview was done by a man covered in a film of flour.

I’ve been researching interview strategies and tips on what not to do on interviews and what kind of questions one should ask to appear smart and interested. I came across one tip that I think is pretty much a no brainer “do not bad mouth your current/ex-employer” and it made me laugh.

Potential Employer: Ms. Bee Musing, can you tell me why you are looking to leave Arkham Asylum?

Me: The Office Manager is an idiot and the Owner sits on his surgery billing until they are past the timely filing limit therefore he never gets paid on his surgeries making him the worst business man ever!

Might as well throw in:

Me: ALSO, THE CRAZIES HAVE TAKEN OVER THE NUTHOUSE! RUN! IS THAT A BAT ON YOUR HEAD?

Potential Employer: You’re hired!

I already know what I’m going to say since I’ve been rehearsing it for 5 years but I’m glad somebody went to the trouble to point out that bad mouthing an employer would be a sure way to get your name crossed off the list.

Another tip is to research the company and then ask questions about it but that would make me feel very stalk-y.

Me [snooty voice]: I see Mr. Peppershmitt has been CEO since 2005 and the company has turned a substantial profit every year with him at its helm. Any chance he lets his employees stay at his beach house in the Hamptons? His new wife has a really nice tan! [shows potential employer the instagram picture of CEO’s wife in a bikini]

Potential Employer: You’re hired!

I just want to find a nice company that will take advantage of my hardworking self and give me a sense of accomplishment in return. At the end of the day, I don’t want to feel like I run around in circles, repeating the same answers to the same tired questions.

Or maybe I’ll just settle for a company that that doesn’t make their employees buy their own pens.

Things I've done to accomplish my goals:

Healthy Eating- I have done okay. I have had Pei-Wei way too many times but I think I've finally tired out my tastebuds. I keep trying to make the right choices when it comes to snacks and drinks (because I'm still adicted to the COKE even though I know it wants to kill me).

Shopping- this has been really hard since I'm looking for a business suit and then my cheating fingers just go roaming about the internet looking for cute shoes. I did buy 2 pairs of slacks that I'm hoping to find a nice suit/blazer thing to go along with them. We'll see once they arrive.

New J-O-B- I stole some job descriptions from a law clerk I got into a fight with (I googled her because she told me she was an attorney and so I wanted to verify) because I do a lot of the same things she does. I have no shame. I also bought some slacks that will hopefully work for job interviews (do you see what I did there?)

Activity- Still meeting my step goals.

For the record, I'm not the one supposed to be in charge nor am I second in command.

Today was the first time in 8 or so years I didn’t take over the weekly morning meeting. I just let everybody talk about their issues and waited for our venerable leader, Glynda, to come up with the solutions I always offer.

I wish I could have taken pictures of everybody’s reactions! They kept looking to me and I had steepled my hands and placed them in front of my mouth to imply I was deep in thought, trying to find a solution for their dilemmas. When Glynda realized I wasn’t offering up any wisdom nuggets, she clumsily tried, bless her dumb little heart, but the staff would look at her and then look at me as if to say “really?” but I would just nod along like Glynda’s ideas were the best thing I’d ever heard! No more raising yourself up by standing on my shoulders you mental midget!

Okay, I know I’m beginning to sound like that dude from “The Shining”.

My coworker Milton has been walking around all week thinking she’s special because she keeps getting shocked by objects around the office. No, Milton, you are not the only precious being endowed with special powers to conduct tiny charges of electricity. It wouldn’t bother me so much if not for her constant updates.

“Ooh! There I go again shocking the printer!’

“I just shocked the chair!”

“I barely touched the door jab and I shocked it!”

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!

Things I did today to reach my goals:

Healthy eating: Breakfast, banana. Lunch, ratatoullie. Dinner, homemade beef stew with french baguette. Snack, granola bar, 2 cuties.

Activity: Just some regular cleaning and cooking. I did do more walking around the office looking for charts and things like that.

New Job: Did some online research to see if there was anything interesting. Nothing yet.

Spending: I bought nothing! Although, it turns out I had bought a metal mannequin thing I had forgotten all about since I had ordered it a long time ago. I came home to find a box on my front stoop and was very confused but also a little afraid because I had just read this article about people mailing glitter to their enemies. I thought maybe somebody had sent me a box full of dust bunnies so I was very hesitant to open it but then I was pleasantly surprised.

The Asinine Asylum

I came to a crazy realization yesterday when I got in my car to drive home after a long grueling day at work. I seemed to be sitting lower in the driver's seat than I had in the morning. No matter how much I tried to sit up straight and scootch my butt back, I only seemed to be slightly above the required height to drive in the state of Illinois (if there is a law like that, I don't really know since I am not a lawyer or enforcer of laws). As I tiredly put the car in gear, it hit me. The Asylum and all it's problems is not only crushing my will to work, it's also having an adverse effect on my spine and making me shorter!

I keep adding to the list of things I want to put on my resumé but I don't know if I can use "repeatedly explain office procedures to the office manager who has been at the asylum for 30 years" or "patiently wait for office manager to stop yelling saying that these are new office procedures that you just made up and then take out the typed up sheet you got her to sign FIVE years ago because you keep having the same problem". This is the stuff of nightmares.

Things I did today to etc:
Healthy Eating- Breakfast, banana. Lunch, leftover chicken and rice with edemame. Dinner, grilled chicken, grilled yellow squash and salad.

Activity- Had achey knees so I took it easy. I did do house work so I almost met my 5,000 step goal.

New J-O-B: I keep working on my resumé.

Spending- I bought Andy another work coat because the first one I bought was too big.

Sleepless Nights

So I had originally promised myself I would post every day. Not only as a way to log the activity to reach my goals but also as a writing exercise. Then the weekend happened and I was able to spend it with my adorable niece and, well, the best laid plans...

Then yesterday I ate dinner and proceeded to pass out on the sofa like a 90 year old lady after she had her special pills. Alls well I guess since I did need the sleep.

Things I did today in my quest for change:
Healthy Eating- I was a little bad over the weekend but I restrained myself from completely overindulging.
Spending- I bought Andy a work coat because he needed one.
Activity- I met my step goals and have started a daily workout as of Monday. Day 2 was harder on my knees but I'm hoping it'll get better.
Job- My hilarious brother Dan narrowed down my choices of new careers by telling me I should look to find a job in the same line of work because that's where the money is. Yuck! 

I am recycling a post from the Bee n Andy comic because it's still true.

Things I did today to accomplish my goals:

Healthy eating- breakfast, I forgot to eat my banana, lunch, half pb&j on whole grain, dinner, one stuffed green pepper taco with guacamole and chips. I got hungry after cleaning so I made an egg and had it with a tortilla. 

Activity:

I did some cleaning which I know doesn't count as exercise but it's better than just sitting.

Spending: I bought a pair of shoes. 😔 they were inexpensive but still no excuses!

Job: I did nuthin about it today

And now I need new earbuds!

You know what's a sure fire way to lose your face and fingers? Take my earbuds and say “I’m looking to buy some for my phone, how well do these fit in your ears?” and then proceed to put them in YOUR ears!

Scarecrow, the idiotic x-ray tech, did just that and it gets worse! I literally heard the suction noise when she popped them out of her ear! She is no longer allowed to speak to me ever again (unless it is work related) and I threw out the earbuds. I swear the people at the Asylum are getting worse as the months go by.

I tried to get my lazy ass to do the bike today but I am just too cold. I did try to eat healthy by having bean soup but I didn't have any lime or cilantro and these 2 ingredients are essential when making Mexican bean soup. I was extremely underwhelmed by it so I wound up only eating half of it and scrounging around for something else to eat. I found chocolate.

I don't think the chances of me doing the bike tomorrow are good since the high is predicted to be 3 degrees which means Mochadog and I willl be buried under a pile of blankets binge watching "Friends".

Things I did today in my quest for change:

Healthy eating- Breakfast- banana, lunch- half a pb&j on whole grain bread and an apple sauce, dinner- some lack luster bean soup and 2 reeses peanut butter cups, snack- mustard pretzels.

Spending- I bought nuthin! And it was hard because I had a $50 off $100 coupon for my favorite store.

Activity-  As of 9pm I only have 3,369 steps.

Job- did some research online for a variety of positions. I'm not sure I want to continue working in the medical billing field. 

No more shopping at the 5 and dime around the corner.

Today I went on a virtual shopping trip. I "need" a new blanket wrap for work because the other 30 I have are just not the right color. I found a beautiful maroon one that will look great against my complexion. While browsing, I found a pair of boots that were on sale for $19.97 and all the reviews said they don’t look or feel cheap at all, they go in the cart! I added a pair of skinny black jeans and a pair of skinny blue jeans to go with the boots- coupon! Then I added a pair of winter boots because my feet were cold and I added thick socks to my cart to go with those boots. After that I looked up big clunky rings for my RIGHT hand because my left hand already has a ring I wear everyday so the right one looks unbalanced…

I did all this on my phone during my 30 minute lunch. If that isn’t a sure sign of addiction I don’t know what is! I’m proud of the fact that I removed all the items from my carts (yes, there was more than one store) and closed all the pages on my phone so that I wouldn’t be tempted to “look at the items one more time JUST TO BE SURE”. 

I have no idea why I feel the need to shop every day even if I don't wind up buying anything. I also hate that stores count on people like me to jump on the app bandwagon and do all their shopping from the comfort of a sofa. Stupid technology! (Just kidding! You know I love you!)

Things I did today in my quest for change:

Healthy Eating: Breakfast- 4 Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies (I felt a drop in my blood sugar, wanted something sweet), lunch- half a pb&j on whole grain and an apple, snack- one banananana, dinner- grass fed ground beef, mushroom, onion and garlic patty with green beans and thinly sliced roasted potatoes. I only ate one of those patties pictured.

Activity- I remembered to wear my fitbit and am up to 4,494 steps. Tomorrow I’m going to try the bike again and hope that my stupid knee doesn’t pop.

Spending- I was strong and bought nuthin!

Job- continued to work on my résumé.

Would you believe me if I told you it takes me an hour to eat a banana?

I’m serious. I think when people see me for the first time, they assume that I can chow down with the best of them based on my chubby (but lovable) appearance alone. They’d be so wrong though. My breakfast usually consists of one banana. Not because I’m deliberately trying to keep my caloric intake low, although that is a plus, but because that’s really all I can manage to eat in the morning when I’m at work. 

My banana and I usually sit at my desk, listening to the many ramblings of my coworker (Milton). Today she tells me about her Christmas gift from her daughter. She gave her Rogaine. One bite of banana. I then move on to other important things like pondering the question set forth by my other coworker (Cowardly Lion) “are corduroys a casual pant or can they be worn in an office setting”. Three bites of banana, because PONDERING. Then I head to my coworker’s (Scarecrow) desk to help her login to the system because a whole day has gone by and she can’t remember a combination of letters and numbers. Two quick bites of banana before getting up from my desk. 

By the time I’ve taken the last bite of the banana, I have helped the office manager edit her surgery requests online, fixed the front desk printer and answered Cowardly Lion’s question “Yes, corduroys can be worn as professional attire as long as you wear a nice top and some kicky heels”. At that point, I feel like I’ve been eating all day and I just can’t picture being hungry enough to eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole grain bread in a few hours.

Who knew I could go on and on about a banana? One delicious, but very filling, banana.

Things I did today in my quest for change:
Health- Ate half a pb&j for lunch, a packet of peanuts as a snack and a homemade chicken sandwich for dinner.
Activity- Zero. I know there are no excuses but I was freaking cold all day.
Job- Started making a list of things to put on my résumé.
Spending-I bought nuthin!

New Year New... Me?

Typing the first line in a new blog has, so far, been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in blog-world. 

Should I hit the ground running and just start spouting the reason for my return to blogging? (because, who cares?) Should I give a brief “where am I now” explanation? (because, does it matter?) Should I just start fresh knowing that there will probably only be a handful of people (HI FAMILY!) reading this? (there were only a handful my first time around anyway, HI FAMILY!) 

After much deliberation with the voices in my head, we voted on doing “all of the above”. 

I’ve decided to do some dramatic, for me, changes to my life and I’m hoping that having a day to day chronicle will help me with my goals. The changes I want to make to my life are the same ones every other person on Earth vows to make once a new year turns the calendar’s page. I want to be more active, eat healthier food, look for -AND FIND- another job and curtail my spending habits. I would add “be a better person” but how much more awesome can I get? There is no answer to that question so don’t try and look for one.

 Since the last time I blogged, I have gained the weight I so proudly lost with an additional bunch of flabbity fat added in for good measure. There are many reasons for the multiplying of my fat cells but the main ones were due to a bad left knee, then a torn meniscus in my right knee which meant surgery and then dueling bad knees with a side of a torn calf muscle thrown in. I am now at about 85% in my recovery with the 15% coming solely from the original rebellious left knee.  Besides my blood pressure still being of concern, I have also been diagnosed as diabetic and have begun to have some severe diabetic side effects due to blood sugar spikes I’m still trying to control. Apparently aging can’t come at me in a sweet, melodic embrace. No, it has to come at me from all sides with metal bats and those round iron spiky things attached to chains. 

Every day, I am going to post what it was that I did that day to try and accomplish my goals. I have no idea how I’m going to chronicle my curtailed spending. “Today I saw the most beautiful boots ever to adorn wide calves BUT I WALKED AWAY” I don’t know. I guess it’s still a work in progress.

Regarding my quest to find a new job, there is only so much a person can take in their professional life. I am tired of being the only competent person because everybody else has checked out and is coasting due to their closeness to retirement. I am ready to throw a wrench into their cruise control apparatus and then laugh from my lofty future office. Well, I’d settle for a lofty cubicle. 

As to my healthy goals, I’ll document what I ate and post how many steps my lying fitbit has counted. I think it cheats me out of steps but it could very well be that I tend to glide delicately through life and not clomp around like a stegosaurus. I don’t know maybe I just don’t swing my arms enough.

So, yeah. I'm back.

That's not me. That's just some dude with a comical mustache I saw on TV.